What's in a Name, Part II
I’m always amazed at how things have started and how we allow tradition to dictate what we do…even if it makes no sense.
Now I’ll be the first to acknowledge that I have many, many shortcomings. I’m probably a sexist (when the behavior is not intended to be). But for the life of me I cannot understand something that we do in this society (and perhaps in the world)—why does a woman ‘take’ a man’s last name when they get married?
Now, I think at one point women were considered property and literally ‘sold’ to suitors for some tangible product (i.e., cows, horses, land). I also understand that these practices still exist in many cultures—I’m not worried about those cultures at this time. I am concerned about the practice here in the U.S. The fact that we didn’t allow women to vote until the early 1900s is incredible and for decades in the history of this country women couldn’t own property individually.
So I could somewhat understand that if women were considered property (a concept that I can’t accept or fathom) they would be given the husband’s name. But in the 21st century, when women are suppose to have all freedoms that men have, why do we continue this practice?
To make this even more complicated, here in Illinois (and I can’t say for sure this exists in other states—but it probably does), when a women marries she AUTOMATICALLY takes the man’s name. If she wanted to keep her maiden name (another interesting term) she would have to petition the court to change her name back. WHY would a state mandate that? What is the logical sense for that?
I state this for a number of reasons:
- The idea that a woman takes a man’s name somehow indicates that the male is master of her destiny
- I find that it can be a terrible disadvantage to women in certain professional careers. For example, we have some amazing women in our PhD program. As many of you know, they work hard during their PhD years, often presenting at various conferences, publishing articles, and making a name of themselves at the national level. Suddenly they get married, change their names, and that name recognition is no longer there. Imagine if Larry Green changed his name to Larry Jones. Obviously, Larry Green is going to be the same person as he always has been but when people are talking about Larry Jones, they’ll refer to him as the former Larry Green (much like Prince did when he changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol—they would always introduce him as the ‘Artist formerly known as Prince’). Now, if we’re in the entertainment business this might be cute…but in a professional career I find it very difficult.
- This is more a personal reason, but hell, I have difficult remembering most people’s names…I’m just tired of having to re-learn their new name.
- With the continuing increase in the percentages of divorces, often time these women drop their ‘married’ name and go back to their ‘maiden’ name…even more confusing.
Now, some women use hyphenated names. That helps a little, but I find it amazing that the males do not use the same hyphenated name. Why should women bear the brunt of changing their name?
Folks, I guess I’ve always known this, but it’s truly a man’s world (and a white man’s world at that).
Now, I speak from some experience in this. My wife kept her last name she was given at birth…no hyphenation last name. She is well known in the area and ‘taking’ my name would have been a definite drawback. There is a major advantage to this. When I get a solicitation call and they ask for ‘Mr. Clark’ or if my wife is called ‘Mrs. Kittleson’ we know they don’t know us and they just want to sell something. We simply tell them there is no Mr. Clark or Mrs. Kittleson living here.
On the other hand, I’ve learned to suck it up when a repair man comes to the house (based on my wife’s request) and they proceed to call me Mr. Clark. I just nod my head—I just want my garbage disposal to work…call me whatever you want.
Now, children are different. I believe hyphenated names are appropriate. The big advantage of this is that the PE coach doesn’t call the kid by their last name (it’s too complicated—‘Hey Clark-Kittleson, get your butt over here’. Instead, they use the child’s first name…somehow having a PE Teacher yell at you using your first name isn’t as intimidating.
Anyway, I regress. Let’s move into the 20th century (since we are in the 21st) and start treating women as true equals.
Kelly House
Mark J Kittleson
Margaret Sullivan
Maria Alexandrova
jodyearly
Shanell L. McGoy
Mainul Mustafa
M. Helen Hogue
Yuba
Okony K. Cham
Kamrun Mustafa
It also might depend on what stage the woman is in. If she is a professional and has an existing reputation, perhaps it is more likely she would keep her own name in some fashion. For example, if I had married in my early 20s, I venture that I would have taken the man’s name. As I married after I had a business and was working on a graduate degree, I felt more established and did not want to give up my maiden name. However, my choice was to use both names, but not use a hyphen.
One other consideration is simply the last name itself…the sound of it, the spelling of it. If a woman or man is born into a family with a name that is difficult or funny in some way, maybe she/he would want a new option. Or maybe she/he would keep the last name because it is simpler than the spouse’s.
I had not considered the PE benefit! LOL Now, what happens when that child with the hyphenated last name marries someone else? Clark-Kittleson marries Smith-Jones. Would their child be required to hyphenate the four names? Maybe simplicity is reason enough to choose one last name.
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You may be right about Illinois, but other states offer other choices. Happy Holidays. Margo
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It is also interesting how trends relative to such traditions ebb and flow. During the latter part of the 1960s and the decade of the 1970s, there was a trend toward deviating from the tradition of the woman taking the man’s name when they became married. Among our fellow health educators there have been several who combined the family names of the two parties to the marriage. Even more common has been the trend of the woman maintaining her family name in combination with the husband’s family name. Another trend has been a woman not changing her name upon getting married.
It seems to me that the deviations from the tradition of the woman taking the family name of the man has ebbed a bit over the past couple of decades. I may be wrong; I have not checked official census data of these trends.
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